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adifferentme

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Reply with quote  #1 

We’ve received a reminder from our agency that our next post placement report will soon be due.  I tend to be a rule follower and ‘honor my commitments’ kind of person.  But since submitting our last post placement report we have confirmed the following:

 

·         All of the most important pieces of the birth story were entirely fabricated.

·         The deception was known/aided by the orphanage/intake-center.

·         Previous post placement reports never reached the family.

·         It is very unlikely that future post placement reports will reach the family given the Mussie closure.

·         We have an open channel of communication with our birth family that does not require our agency’s post placement services.

 

We’ve essentially started over from scratch.  Understanding the true story.  Trying to make peace with how we became a family.  Creating a new and honest relationship with the birth family.  It’s been hard work turning over this new leaf.  But we are getting there.  And now that we are in this new “space,”  I find it very difficult to fill-out reports which 1) I was told would reach the birth family (and I know they never will…) and 2) Can be used to support the continuation of Ethiopia adoptions.  Which, at least as the system exists now, I would not support.  Here are my questions:

 

·         Am I in any way legally-bound to complete this and future PPRs?

·         Could there be adverse consequences for our family or for the birth family if we fail to provide these reports?

·         What unintended, negative outcomes might I be unaware of, if I do not file the report?

 

I have posted this as a possible Hot Topic, but I hope it will not be too hot.  Today I am not looking to deeply explore our family’s case of fraud.  (maybe another day.)  Rather, I am just looking for some advice about how to proceed with the PPRs.  Thank you.

morgen

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Reply with quote  #2 
Definitely a HT but an important one.  Thank you for clarifying the "wind" on this post that you are looking for input specifically as to the PPR.  If everyone can respect that "wind" that would be awesome. 



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Morgen
Home study started 8/31/07
Officially waiting 12/12/07
Referral 12/2/08 for amazingly beautiful baby boy
Court Date 2/20/09
Travel 3/26/09
Home with my giggly little guy forever 4/3/09
emeehan0326

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Reply with quote  #3 
I don't know about the legal ramifications, but I am curious, as well.  We are moving to Ethiopia, so I can't imagine I would need to go through my agency to submit these anymore!
I wonder if there are answers you can give that would tell the truth and thereby do more good than anything.  You could report that you have met the family, discovered deception, etc...on the report.  Of course, the greatest chance is that your agency will not submit this to anyone in authority, but it might be worth consideration if you do find out you should complete one. 
Curious to hear what others have to say.
Betsy
http://meehanfive.wordpress.com


DaniWestRN

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Reply with quote  #4 
Quote:
Originally Posted by adifferentme

 

·         Am I in any way legally-bound to complete this and future PPRs?

·         Could there be adverse consequences for our family or for the birth family if we fail to provide these reports?

·         What unintended, negative outcomes might I be unaware of, if I do not file the report?

 



I would love to know the answers to these questions as well. I *think the answers are "no, no, and none if you are not planning on adopting from ET again" but I don't know for sure either.
Although I believe if the answer to the first question was "yes" the agencies would be screaming it pretty loud because I think they are starting to get a pretty high level of non-compliance.

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Danielle
Mommy to M (7, Ethiopia 2005), E (6, Guatemala 2007), K (5, China 2009), A (3, China 2011) and waiting for baby girl in China!
http://www.westhavenkids.com
heits

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Reply with quote  #5 
I am embarrassed to say, that we did not complete our last report. We are in contact with our girls first family. The agency has not reminded us to submit.



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Laura
One hubby and six kids
Two flew the coop
Two play the part of adoring siblings to
Two home from ET in Dec. 2006
http://the-heits.com/blog/
paulaespears

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Reply with quote  #6 
Personally, I think honoring a commitment is important, even if the other party is not honoring theirs.  They aren't that hard to complete.  I would do the report.

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Paula S
http://spearsfamilyne.blogspot.com

Married since 1986 to my high school sweetie
Mom to the three bio bigs, ages 23, 21, 18
and the three ET littles, twin daughters age 8 (home 6/09)
and son age 6 (home 7/11)
Debbie

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Reply with quote  #7 

I don't know what the Ethiopian "legal" ramifications are, but we signed a contract stating we would follow our state and the country post-placement adoption requirements including sending reports.  I would think that is a contract and the agency could "come after you" for failure to do so, i guess by bringing suit or something...I am sure they would not do that, but who knows what pressure they are under to submit these post-placement reports.  We used <agency name removed> in 2008 if that helps at all.

Maybe you could do Betsy stated.  Or maybe write a letter stating your current situation...that you are in contact with the family and here is the "official/correct" story...maybe put that in the post placement page with the signature and only mail a paper copy so it has to be sent to ET with your story unless they retype the post placement and forge your signature.

<Moderated by Morgen to remove agency name. Moderating on the side of caution since this is a HT thread. Let's keep specific agency names out of the discussion.>





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Debbie (formerly dmessmer)
Jeremy (dh)
Mia - 7 yo
Sophie - 4 yo
Mattios - 1 yo
DaniWestRN

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Reply with quote  #8 
On another note, for individuals who might wish to honor the commitment to Ethiopia but not go through their agency perhaps due to fraud, etc, it is possible to submit the reports directly to them. A friend of mine confirmed this is true and that the address below is the correct one. Just include a letter explaining that you are sending your post placement report and why.

The Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs
Children's Affairs Department
P.O. Box 1293
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

Fax: +251 114166362 and +251 1114663995 and telephone no +251 1114166396.



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Danielle
Mommy to M (7, Ethiopia 2005), E (6, Guatemala 2007), K (5, China 2009), A (3, China 2011) and waiting for baby girl in China!
http://www.westhavenkids.com
adifferentme

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Reply with quote  #9 
Please keep the comments coming.  This is all very helpful in clarifying my thinking.  One thing I should mention:

I am very reluctant to share our situation with our agency or with any officials anywhere in the system (Either through the PPR or any other manner.)

Acting on the desperation/hope fueled by the possibility of international adoption to America, our Ethiopia family actively created the false story and had help procuring/creating false documents.  (We are uncertain who the key players were, but likely included orphanage officials and perhaps a policeman or kebele officials.  It is difficult to know.)

Reporting our experience could, then, potentially mean persecution or prosecution for the Ethiopia family.  This is something I cannot risk.

So if I do submit the PPR, it would be very bare bones.

Thanks for all comments and please continue to share.

myla

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Reply with quote  #10 
Adifferentme,
I think many of us understand where you are coming from.
What would be the harm and cost (to you as a family) if you continued to submit the reports (bare bones or in whatever format that allowed you to still honor the contract/commitment) and still go through the other channels you have developed to have direct contact with the family?  In other words, couldn't you do both?  
Myla


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needtoknow

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Reply with quote  #11 
Adifferentme, I sent you a PM.
jgab74

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
I am embarrassed to say, that we did not complete our last report. We are in contact with our girls first family. The agency has not reminded us to submit.

 
We are in the same exact situation.  I'm kinda thinking if the PPRs are that important, our agency would have sent us at least one reminder -- but so far we haven't received any type of communication from them.  All that matters to me at this point is that our son's birth family receives information from us.  I know they wouldn't if it went through our agency-- which is pretty irritating and I think that's why I no longer care about submitting a PPR to the agency.  (If they don't care about birth families, why should I care about them [the agency]?)

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Jessica
dh Casey
Started adoption process 7/06 for China, LID 4/07
Concurrent adoption from Ethiopia, dossier submitted 6/08
Referral 12/21/09 for precious Melkamu who passed away 1/14/10
Referral 1/26/10 for sweet Mamush, home 5/28/10
emeehan0326

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Reply with quote  #13 
Danielle...thank you, a million times over for that address.  I can't stand the thought of sending these through our agency for the next 16 years!  I'll just hand deliver it for the next few anyway.
To the original poster, now that you've shared more of your story, I take back my advice.  I would NOT send the report with the truth on it.  You definitely don't want to get the birth family into trouble.  Good luck with your decision making.  I truthfully don't think we are legally on the line for these things, but someone correct me if I'm wrong.
Betsy
http://meehanfive.wordpress.com


ShannonC

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Reply with quote  #14 
Great subject. I've wondered this and pondered it myself.

I've been reminded twice to send ours in (I think all PPS is handled by interns now as that seems to be the only contact I get-- from an Intern). It was Due in January.

Last one I wrote was very personal, specific, detailed, sent many photos, as I was still holding out hope. This one will be starkly different with required 4 photos. ( there isn't a 'fraudulent' issue in our case (that we know of yet)--  but a definitively moral one) I think I may send a copy to agency and MOWA direct. Thank you Dani for that address. I need to find a way to not lose that!!

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Shannon & Teg


Started wait 12/31/08
Referral 8/12/09 for 28 mo Boy
Passed Court 10/21/09
Embassy 1/20/10


http://wanderingoutside.blogspot.com
adifferentme

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Reply with quote  #15 
The viewpoints offered and questions asked here are helping me bring my feelings and questions about the PPR into a sharper focus.  Thank you.  The questions are also helping me better understand that the issue of PPR is just a symptom of the larger issues our family is still processing.

Myla, your question forced me to think harder, what actually would the harm or cost be, of completing & submitting the reports?  So, just do it, right?  But when I picture myself putting pen to paper (so to speak) I almost feel literally sick.  So I looked at the papers again today and I keep stumbling on this wording that is used in at least two places:

Post-Placement Reports are vital for establishing credibility and helping to ensure the continuation of adoptions from Ethiopia.

Clearly, I know that my single report is not going to make or break the entire Ethiopia adoption process.  But, I am living with an older adopted child whose entire world was ripped from him/her because countless individuals and organizations made decisions to help ensure the continuation of adoptions from Ethiopia.  My child has suffered mightily.  Of course, I am at the top of the list when it comes to responsible parties.  I made my own decisions to participate in the system.  So now I am living with this child whom I love so ferociously, but learning to live with my culpability in all this. 

I can't figure out how I could ever look her/him in the eye and say, in essense, "And I completed all these reports just like I was supposed to..." knowing that those reports are intended to build a case for the continuation of adoption from  Ethiopia; which I now know includes the adoption of children who do not need families.

Refusing to submit our PPR is a small and silent and meaningless stand to take, perhaps.  I don't know, but I appreciate the safety and the space to process it here and try to make a reasonable decision.

Still eager to hear any and all thoughts about the legalities and commitments of the PPRs.  And, would also be curious if anyone else has created the 'construct' that I've created in my mind, about all of this.  And, I hope my processing hasn't pushed us way into HT territory.  I appreciate how helpful everyone's contributions have been.  Thank you.

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